Cherish Each Moment

Unfortunately, this is going to be a sad blog post. You see, only hours after I posted by last entry, one of the most influential men in my life breathed his last. This man was Richard Hart Hughes. The one I called Poopa - Grandpa Dick. Only hours after finally realizing that my life needed to progress without a thought to the past, I was hit with an emotional freight train. While riding his bike on a beautiful fall day with the woman he loved more than anyone in this world, Grandpa Richard suffered from a heart attack due to a blood clot. The effect was instant. No last words, kisses, or hugs were able to be given in the last moments. A man who was healthy and strong was simply gone in an instant.


However, in order for all of you to understand why this was such a shocking blow, you need a bit of context. Why was my grandpa so great anyway? Allow me to explain.. and for my sake, I'm going to use present tense. To start, Grandpa Dick is a man of integrity. He stands by everything that he says. Never is there a question about if he is going to follow through. He is loving. After fifty-two years of marriage, he loves Grandma Kay with everything he has. He still loves to hold her hand, kiss her on the cheek, and make her feel like the only woman in the world. And truly, she is the only woman in his world. She is his queen. Not only does he love Grandma Kay, he loves each and every one of us. He always stands by us, encourages us, and supports us. He takes Noah golfing almost everyday, simply because it is an opportunity for them to have quality time. He was there when Noah shot his first hole-in-one - a moment that will never be forgotten. Grandpa Dick is also funny. He loves to joke around and make others laugh - even if it is at his expense. One of the most frequent jokes often revolves around his balding head.. He would always tell us that one day he is going to grow a long pony-tale and be a true bad-to-the-bone biker. Another more recent laugh came from his new pair of neon green crocs. He stood in front of the family and, pointing to the infamous footwear, asked the serious question, "gay or not gay?" He is also someone to be admired for his gusto for life. At the ripe age of 76, he rides his bike for distances up to forty miles. He loved to kayak, bike, and hike. He explored every corner of the world. He and Kay travel across the country in their motor home, simply enjoying the different scenery that each place has to offer.


With this in mind, I can move onto the main reason why this loss struck me at such a pivotal point in my life. The dominating feeling that I experienced when I heard the news was regret. While this is typical for many who lose a loved one suddenly, it was stronger for me. The entire time that Grandpa Dick and Grandma Kay stayed with us this summer I was wrapped up in myself and my own problems. I was focussing all of my energy on someone who did not put any effort into me. I was loving someone in vain. I wasted so much time on myself that I had not time to put into spending time with those who truly do care about me. I pushed everyone aside. I did not play every card game, go to every bonfire, or watch every movie with my grandparents. I let these precious moments slip away. The last summer ever to be had with my favorite "young man" was lost because of my selfishness. In the aftermath of this, I felt terrible. I cried both inwardly and outwardly knowing that he would never know how sorry I am. He would never know how much I loved him. How much I respect him. How much I miss hearing his voice. How much I regret everything I did in these last months. But there is one thing I can be confident about, he knew me and loved me inspire of my short comings.. because that's what grandpas do. They wrap their children in their arms and love them anyway. The last hug I ever received from him was especially important. It was right before he and Grandma Kay pulled out of our driveway, onto another adventure. He pulled me close and whispered in my ear, "I always want the best for you. You'll get through this. I love you. Remember that." I can't help but cry just thinking about this.


Although it is tragic that it had to come to this, these events have opened my eyes to the reality. Life is too short to love those who don't care. Love those who love you, because you just never know how much time you have. Don't waste time, effort, and emotion on anyone else. Live every moment with passion. Show those you care about how much you love them everyday - don't let time slip away. There are few things that matter in comparison to family. Nothing is worth wasting time over. Life is simply too short to be anything but happy. I'm heartbroken over the loss of this wonderful man, but also eternally grateful for the lesson that I have learned through this experience. While I know that I will fall short again, my new goal in life is to be the person I want to be each day. I do not want another loved one to leave this earth without knowing that I loved them with everything I have.


I hope that this post inspires others to love those around them as well. Do not let a single moment pass by. Learn from Grandpa Richard - a man of integrity, love, and zeal for life.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

¹ The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Happy Girl

Well after my depressing post a couple days ago, you all will be happy to note that I've had a wonderful turn around! It feels good to be able to smile again.. and actually mean it. You know, the type of smile/laugh that you can see in a person's eyes. First time in a while! I can't exactly put my finger on why this change, but either way, I'll take it. A few of the nice things that have happened in the last couple days are as follows:

1. Felt like dying in accounting = visited the teacher and found out she is a lovely lady who really cares about me doing well. I think we're going to be BFF. Probably bring her an apple or something tomorrow to class.. Ok, maybe not. 

2. Felt sad and out of place = found out the girls on my floor actually give a shit if I'm crying/had a bad day. Oh, and my RA is incredible. Seriously, the coolest girl ever. <3 Chaboodom! 

3. Realized that I AM worth it. I HAVE had integrity, loving, and honest about the nasty situation in my life. However, I CAN'T do anything but love people as they are, because that's when they need it the most.

4. Oh and you know that verse that said something like "God will fight for you".. well guess what, he can't fight if I'm standing in the way doing my thing. He can't roll out the AK47's until I put my .22 down. So uhh, guns down. Not literally though.. I firmly believe in the right to carry. 

5. Woke up to the most hilarious note on my door from a random Johnnie. 

Is this not so funny?! I love. Now if this guy is 6', blond, buff, and NOT preppy, we're in luck! I highly doubt it though. I mean you don't just run into small town Norwegian boys anywhere.. 

6. I laid down the law in Theo with Sister Patricia.. it was great. I swear to God if someone says women shall be saved through childbearing I will take a b*tch down. Not that I said that to the little lady, but I did firmly acknowledge that God did make women to be strong. Otherwise, why would he have bothered to include the book of Ruth? Yeah. It was great. I had random classmates come up after and high-five me. Rock on. 

Alright, well I better run to my Econ class.. I'll leave you with this:

"I believe in pink. I believe laughing is the best calorie-burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when something is going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest. I believe tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." -Audrey Hepburn

Keep on smiling! 

Psalm 34:18

So today was a little rough. Classes are great, people are great, family is great.. but I feel empty. I feel alone. I feel stranded in this totally different place without a familiar face in sight. There's emotional stress, physical stress, and mental stress. I've got it all. Literally. And just to preface, this isn't a debby-downer post, I'm just giving you a little context. 

Ok, so now that we've gotten that down, we can move on to the point. I read a verse that said this: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted." -Psalm 34:18. WOW. Ok, that was obviously for me. Oh and you should know that I found this on pinterest, not the Bible, even if it is from the Bible.. Anyway that's beside the point. As I was sitting next to the Koy pond bawling my eyes out, I scanned through pinterest and this hit me. God knows I dig pinterest. The fact is that this verse was meant for me. Right now. It's really comforting, and there's not a lot of things that I find comforting lately. Even as I'm going through all of this crap, I have someone who is close to me when I'm literally breaking in every way possible. That's all I've got.. I hope you find pinterest, and this verse, as incredible as I do at this moment. Now, back to my accounting homework. Oh joy. 

Seasons.

Yesterday was the start of the most wonderful time of the year - Johnnie football season! Masses of crazy fans, hot players, and beautiful sunshine made it a great first experience. Oh and friends, it was a wonderful day with new friends. :) Here's a few pictures from the day! 

Yay Johnnies!! :)

Oh yes, and WE WON. Of course. They made us proud! 




Alright, so speaking of the time of year.. This reminded me of the fact that everything has a season, not as in the leaves, but in regards to people. I was casually reading this morning and came upon this: "And let us not weary of doing good, but in due season we will reap the harvest if we do not lose heart." -Galatians 6:9. While I totally want to take control and try to force certain people to do something, feel something, or say something.. the fact is that I can't. This drives me literally crazy. However, that isn't going to get me jack. God's timing is His - He can decide to change the heart of a king (or a stubborn cowboy), but not until the season is right. Even though this time in my life might seem like the lowest of lows, God is using it to encourage me to not lose heart when things become difficult. As much as it sucks, I think God is basically forcing me to get my shit together. I didn't just swear while talking about God did I? No, def not. 

and here's a cute little pic to wrap it up. :)

Fighter.

Hello readers! All 35 of you to be exact, according to the stats that blogger gave me about my last post. I am extremely flattered. :) Keep it up!! I like thinking that someone enjoys hearing about my life..

Anyway, the topic of discussion tonight is being a fighter. As I was sitting in my first economics class today I thought about this. While stats and benefits vs. costs spun through my mind, I had the idea of giving up. You know, the whole idea of running away and leading this fantastic life where nobody has a clue who I am and won't ask me to do anything that has to do with books. Great plan.. if I wanted to end up working at Walmart my entire life. Nothing against it, but you know. But then I reminded myself of something: I AM a fighter. I don't quit because things get hard. I don't back down. I focus all my energy on that one thing that I would just love to walk away from, because I know it's something worth pushing for. Now this sounds great, right? Like wow, congratulations because nobody cares, is what you're probably thinking. I have a point! Hang in there. While I am a fighter, in the sense that I don't let go and remain focused, it's not always the best thing. In fact, it's actually bad all on its own. 

With people, school, work, and anything else in life for that matter, this is a recipe for disaster. Like hurricane Isaac disaster. Actually that's exactly what my life feels like when I do this. Consider this, Exodus 14:14 - "the Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." Now for control freaks like me, this is terrible news. Like who the hell wants to just sit still and meditate and think everything's going to be ok?! I mean I can totally handle losing people I love, moving into massive building of small closets for drama filled 18 year-olds, and rigorous college courses all on my own. No prob. Sit back and relax God 'cus I've got this shit handled. FAIL. I've decided that I can't anymore. So while still being a fighter, I've decided to fight my battles and then let them be. I'm going to give all of this another shot, because obviously me being a bull-dog works reeeeal well. I'm deciding to trust that my fight is enough, and that GOD will take it to the next level. 

Now I'm sure you're all wondering where this came from. Way out of left field, trust me. But I mean Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over agin and expecting different results. People are going to be how they want and grades are going to be what they will be. It's not worth my sanity.This may or may not be right, but either way I don't want to be labeled insane (HA). Thus, I'm trying something else. Fighting a new fight. 










Enough of that heavy boring stuff. Here is a picture of the absolute HIGHLIGHT of my day. 

Yep - that's my treadmill, equipped with a full TV. Nothing like a little Toddlers and Tiaras to pep up your workout! Love love love. It's the little things in life. :)

Day One.

Wow. Today was the start to my crazy new life here, and it was definitely that - CRAZY! Allow me to elaborate.. The day included: awkward get to know you games, friendship bracelets, saying your name, hometown, and major 100,000,000 times, eating amazing chicken kiev, getting told laniards aren't meant to be worn around your neck, becoming an officially "pinned" Bennie, meeting up with the nuns.. the list could go on. Overall it has been exhausting. However, it's also exciting. Without the feelings of insecurity and craziness I think that I would never expand from where I am now. This gives me a little comfort when I walk around with an invisible sign that says "FRESHMAN" written on my forehead. Wait.. it's not invisible, I have to wear a damn name-tag everywhere I go. Not awkward at all. It can only get better from here! 

Even though I do feel quite all over the place at the moment, there is one thing I know for sure: the goals and expectations of this school are more than amazing. While they are challenging, it sparks an inner fire within me to push myself to a new level - to be a better and more refined me. They do not just ask you to be leaders in this community, they expect you to fill the position. The faculty, RA's, and even the nuns are standing behind me, fully expecting me to become whomever I believe I want to be. I love that! I want to be so much better than the person I am now - academically, spiritually, and emotionally - and they're here to make sure that happens. Cool. With that said, Wednesday's classes should be interesting. I might now have any time to actually write this new blog.. So if you don't hear from me I'm just off conquering the world thru my economics, accounting, theo, and FYS classes. 

Well that's all the deep lingo I've got for tonight.. here's a few pictures of my dorm to suffice. Pictures are worth a thousand words right? Nailed it.

Oh yeah and here's me BEFORE I unhealed a car load of stuff in 90 degrees. Happy move in day!